Week 13 of the Year of Fear

Morgan’s Fear: #5 Wear Makeup

This week I got me some makeup (and put it on my face). On the surface, this might not seem like anything other than part of a benign morning routine. For me, however, this was completely unexplored territory—and let’s face it; fear of the unknown is a very real thing.

Like some of the other fears on my list to conquer this year, this one confronts my tomboyishness head on. I’m not super-femme (not that there is ANYTHING wrong with that for those who are), I like wearing pants, I have an allergy to the colour pink and bows only belong on presents as far as I’m concerned. I didn’t grow up with a gaggle of female relatives to show me the ropes of femininity and most of my childhood friends were boys or other girls who liked getting their hands in the dirt at recess. So figuring out this whole makeup thing was pretty much like trying to interpret the Rosetta stone without a guide.

tomboy-style

I went into the drugstore with huge apprehension expecting a lot of judgement and “mean girl” sneers from the employees in the beauty department. I was determined to come out of that store with something so I braced myself and just asked for help. Completely exposed, I admitted to a young woman working there that I knew nothing about this sort of thing and to treat me like an alien learning about human culture for the first time. She was invaluable in teaching me the basics about what to do, step by step (did you know you’re supposed to wash your face?!) and how apply each product. I asked for a basic “must have” kit for an everyday “look” and I left with a small bundle of mysterious substances to apply to my mug.

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The whole process felt very strange and unfamiliar to me. My morning routine usually consists of getting out of bed, having coffee, walking the dog and maybe having a shower before getting dressed and out the door. Shoehorning this whole new song and dance was difficult and confusing. I second guessed myself about the order of steps and eventually trial-and-errored my way to a stage where it looked somewhat “natural” but too obviously “made-up”.

Going through the motions of my day was also kind of weird. I felt like I was going to be called out by complete strangers at any moment for trying too hard, looking like a clown or just a downright fraud (“who are you trying to fool?”).

To my surprise, none of my fears came true. No one said anything or gave e weird the looks at any point throughout the day. The only negative comments or judgements were coming from inside my head. I ended the day unscathed. I took off my mask and realized once again that the worst bully is usually the one you manufacture from inside yourself.

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“Self Criticism” by Dorian Devins

This fear proved to be one more motivational nugget to push me to do more regardless what my inner critic warms me is bound to happen. After all, the worst that could happen is that my fears of failure or humiliation come true and, if that happens, I’d survive and probably even grow from that experience to boot!

 

Chris’s Fear: Nudity

 

 

The theme this week is….nudity!

 

You are definitely most vulnerable when you are naked and I was “naked” twice this week.

For one, I did what I like to call a “naked run.” I wore my Garmin but I did not look at it once for watts, pace, and HR. I even turned auto lap off so I had no idea how long I had gone or how far. All I had was the time and how I was feeling/

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The reason why this is so “scary” (more uncomfortable than fear) is because I am so used to relying on those metrics. 99% of my workouts are structured and planned so taking away that structure was a step into the 1%. While I would say I am fairly in tune with my body and can guess my pace or watts purely off my effort, reconnecting with my body and letting loose is important so this week’s run was a good reminder that I need to do that and should do that more often. All I needed to do was run and enjoy myself: pure pleasure.

 

Definitely a repeat fear and even go without a Garmin at all.

I also knocked off another fear–posing nude for an art class. Yes–100% naked. It was a 3hour class broken up to a bunch of different poses. 9 people showed up which was more than I was expecting but everyone was really professional. It was definitely awkward at first (at least in my mind) but no one made a big deal of it. They were artists and treated my body as art, which made me feel good about myself–the first time I have felt that way in a while.

Their drawings were actually pretty good too. I can’t post the pictures here because it is their art and I want to respect that but if any of them contact me to share, I will.

They want me to come back so this will be another repeat experience.

Up next is junk bowl take 2 and then the big one: not weighing myself for a week (oh shit!)

 

 

 

 

 

 


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